On becoming a Parent Emeritus

When a professor retires from teaching, provided she's done the right kinds of things along the way, she might earn the title "Professor Emeritus". The "E" in "emeritus" comes from "ex" (or "out"); one of my friends who is an emeritus professor says the title means he's "out of it and deserves to be" -- but that phrase is actually just a classy Latin way of declaring that a professor is "honorably discharged".

The Life of the Mind being what it is, many retired professors keep doing stuff that looks like work. I just got back from the big math meetings, and I was surrounded by emeriti professors who are still doing research, who are still active on editorial boards and professional committees, who are still attending talks on new kinds of mathematics and even organizing conferences themselves. It's one of those things that reaffirms that I've chosen a great career path. People around me say, "I'd do what I do even if they didn't pay me" . . . and then they really do.

So, with my kids growing up and moving (cross-fingers) out of our home, I like to think of myself as becoming a "Parent Emeritus". I'm not a full-time parent, but I get to jump in every once in a while and put on bandaids and kiss boo-boos and tell my kids to clean up their mess and help them get out of a jam (only now in a more adult version of those scenarios). I am ready to enter this phase.

I like the title "parent emeritus" a LOT. I've been telling people that I've been looking forward to the empty nest, that although I'm not ready to retire from math, I'm ready to retire from parenting, and their response has invariably been, "Well, you never stop being a parent." Well, YEAH, true.

But if you retire from being a professor you don't have to grade exams or bring plagiarism cases before the dean, and if you retire from being a parent you don't have to clean exploded spaghetti out of the microwave you cleaned the day before and haven't used except to warm up a cup of tea.

If you retire from being a professor you don't have to serve on the Assessment Committee unless you really love developing 3-year assessment plans, and if you retire from being a parent you don't have to drive your kid to the Awards Banquet where 5 different speakers start by saying, "I'll be brief" or "I won't speak for long" so you know they're going to drone on forEVER, unless you really like going to Awards Banquets run by amateur speakers.

So, I'm declaring that I'm working toward becoming a Parent Emeritus. I'm going to keep doing math and mentoring junior faculty, and I'm going to keep having Special Dinners and giving my kids advice. But after three decades of scheduling my days around taking care of my offspring, it's kind of nice to be in the space where I know I can stay late at my office whenever I want (or even better, when I know I can leave early because going home early doesn't complicate picking up children and starting the "second shift"). I get to go to math conferences with my colleagues and I get to go to performances that my kids stage managed, . . . but someday I won't have to fill out Committee Preference Forms and someday soon I won't have to make space in my home for all the gear and the garments and the garbage that my kids have accumulated.

I love being a parent.   I love being a mathematician.  I'd do either of them even if nobody paid me (oh, wait: regarding the first, I already do).  But I'm ready to retire from full-time parenting and move into the emeritus phase.  

But first, I gotta go clean out the microwave and warm up my cup of tea.